So here it is…  the real time blogging diary of a regular girl who’s quitting her job in six months to pursue her passion.  Sounds pretty basic right? Ok, I’m actually a mom of two, a wife, a leader in a company centered in the cooperate world.  I’m making six figures, I’m juggling passions, raising humans, traveling when I can and working an incredibly stressful 9-5.  I’m a writer, well I used to be. I wrote a lot about a decade ago when I was still young and inspired, before life’s cruel reality set in. I’ve worked for 10 years towards getting everything I wanted just to find out that I’m still unfulfilled and searching.  I dreamt of being published by the time I was 30 but that came and went.  I’m the usual suspect, the mom who just doesn’t have enough time, the boss who loves what she does but it just isn’t enough, the wife you wants to give her husband more. I want to be the free spirit, the adventurer, the creative… but these days I’m too stressed, too tired and too mentally exhausted to be those things. I’m lost and I’m unhappy. And really when I say it out loud it sounds ridiculous!  I have an amazing life. I love my job and the people I work with. I have beautiful healthy kids. I have a husband that is so perfect I sometimes feel unworthy. I have passion and I do everything I can to use that passion to fulfill myself.

But it’s just not working.  I recently had a friend quit her career of over a decade.  Her boys are just starting school, she has struggled with mental illness and her family has suffered in ways most people can’t even imagine.  So after a lot of thought, she pulled the trigger. And there will be so much sacrifice in order to live this new life she has longed to live for a long time but she doesn’t care.  She no longer cares about the money. She only cares about time.

Now I’m here, stuck.  Stuck between two very different worlds. One where I leave my house Monday – Friday for 10 hours. I leave my kids with my parents, I slave for people who treat me well but who could replace me in minutes. I come home, with nothing left and I try to find the energy to love and play with my kids, to write about the things I believe in, and to plan the next exciting thing in our lives so I have something to look forward to. And on the weekends I work on what I’m passionate about. I work for happiness. But it’s still work that takes me away from my kids and my husband.  Because to be honest they aren’t enough. And that sounds sooo bad but they aren’t enough to satisfy the fire that I have inside of me.  The constant yearning for something more. The desire to help people and to in turn help myself. I have too much to offer and I’ve just sat back and done little things to try and bring that out but again, it isn’t enough. That world isn’t the life I want.  The other world is one where I make my own schedule. One where I am with my kids as much as I want to be. One where I am impacting others in a much bigger way then I ever could working for a corporate company.  I want the choice. I want the satisfaction. I want the fulfillment that I know I deserve.  I want the life that I planned for myself years ago before I lost sight and lost inspiration.

This is me… This will be my place to express myself for 30 minutes every day. This is the countdown.  There are 152 days until I make one of the biggest life changing moves of my life. One that will inevitably affect everyone around me. One where I risk so much to try and gain so much more. I will remain anonymous until then. I’m not telling anyone who I am or that I’m writing this.  I don’t want people from work knowing about my decision as I still have things I want to accomplish there before I leave. I want to leave them with something that will help them for years to come. Absolutely no one will know my identity. I will share what inspires me. I will share the fear, the struggle and the mental tug of war that I know is waiting for me in the months to come. This wont be a blog full of pretty pictures. I don’t want to spend time on aesthetic as I’m solely focused on writing the real and raw details of this process. So many will be able to relate. Some will read for pure entertainment. Some will read because they’ll want to see me succeed and some will read in hopes I fail.  But this will be the story of a simple girl trying to make her dreams come true without really knowing how that will look.  This will be the story of a girl taking a risk and hoping that what’s waiting on the other side is what I’m actually searching for.

I want you to follow along. I want you to watch. I want you to be inspired in some way.  I have created an Instagram so these writings can be coupled with visuals.  Plus I will need to gain some traction and an audience if I am going to be able to accomplish some of things I’m trying to do in 2020.  Can an anonymous girl with no following create a simple blog in which people are curious and buy into?  Can this anonymous girl get enough attention to catapult her faster in the direction she’s already traveling?  Can social media really benefit an average person trying to be more than average? We’ll see…